My last scheduled chemo is on Thursday. I will have two weeks of chemo pills after that so we aren’t really done until about ten days into April. But the end is near. Mostly I’m excited. And happy I’ve made it through with my hair and most of my sanity.
I’m a little…cautious? I guess because I know cancer can seem gone when it’s really not, and can come back unexpectedly with a vengeance. I’m also concerned about this pesky neuropathy that doesn’t want to go away. (It could take a while to disappear or it might not go away at all.)
I’m grateful. For what I’ve learned, how I’ve grown, how I’ve been loved and supported. I have a little army of Team Jessi and man, are they good people. The encouragers, the gift givers, the child watchers, the prayer warriors, the care givers, the make-me-laughers. I’m grateful for the chance to know suffering can bend me but not break me, because I have Jesus. For the wisdom that comes from having slugged one’s way through Real Problems. For the experience of looking death straight in the eye and learning how to face the possibility with something besides straight up fear. For the unique equipping to support others who are struggling with Real Problems. For the natural correction of my perspective. (Basically a crash course in Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff.) Cancer has made me braver. You can’t buy that anywhere, you know.
It’s not over yet. In some ways, it will never be, because we can’t quite go back to life as we knew it before cancer. I’m different now, life is different now. But this particular chapter is coming to a close.
I’m up for the next one, whatever it is. I’m hoping it has more fun and fewer copays. More calm and less medicine. More energy and less nausea. More levity and fewer tears.
I’m not looking forward to this last treatment. But it must be done. Prayers for a quick recovery and clean scans from here on out are appreciated. While the outcome of treatment will unfold over time, and there are still some unknowns, we have much to celebrate. Much.