Today we head to the school where Cass will begin Kindergarden in a few short months. Apparently it’s Kindergarden Bingo night. Should be interesting.
It’s nice to be thinking ahead. There have been a few chunks of time recently where I have actually forgotten I had cancer. When I was standing along the marathon route craning my neck to spot my husband chugging along, cheering with friends, that whole time, I totally forgot about cancer. I was in a meeting that got heated recently. No cancer on the brain for a while. Someone said something that irritated me recently and I found myself mulling it over. (For the past 6 months that stuff didn’t even hit my radar – I just dismissed it as totally unimportant.) I woke up the other day and it was a solid 20 minutes before my mind went there / to Cancer Town.
It’s almost like grief – nothing seems to alleviate it for the longest time. But then one day, you cautiously realize the pain is a tiny bit smaller.
Not long ago I really wondered if it would ever not be on my mind. And yet, here I am, with my mind just relaxed enough to worry about some other crap for a while. It’s nice.
One moment recently that definitely had me thinking about cancer was when I crossed the finish line for the 5K I ran this past weekend. A race I trained for while undergoing chemo. But the way I was thinking about cancer was good. Triumphant. Fearless. Defiant. Those feelings won’t be how I feel forever. But they ruled the day. And they were awesome.